Suing Old Women Makes Me Feel Like a Big Man Too (no response)

To put this one in context here are some links:

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/comics-brother-in-threat-to-sue-neighbour-91-over-shed-fall-2529410.html

http://www.labour.ie/tomshortt/

The email:

Dear Cllr Shortt.

I read with interest, the article in the Irish Independent on your upcoming court case. I wish to offer my sympathies for your negative portrayal by that newspaper. Discrimination sickens me to my core and I firmly believe that every individual is responsible for ensuring health and safety around them, regardless of gender, religion, race, age or social status. If that lady couldn't afford to maintain her own roof, perhaps she doesn't deserve a roof.

I have also read with enthusiasm, about the good work you have done for the people of Limerick, especially the very young and the very old. I am particularly impressed with your work on the development of indoor recreational facilities for young people, the skate park and your belief that "policing and law enforcement should be focused to give people especially old people a greater sense of safety and peace of mind on the streets and in their own homes free of intimidation and vandalism". I do need to point out here however that it is not only important to inspire young people to achieve in sport and community based activities but also in grammar and punctuation.

While I am assuredly in favour of your policies, I worry about their health and safety implications. Heaven forbid you should find yourself in a situation such as the one Ms. O'Flynn has got herself into. The following are a few considerations which you might wish reflect upon. 

In the skate park created by your action group, youths are putting life and limb at risk. As I'm sure you remember from your youth, there is tremendous pressure on young people to conform to the latest fashions, which appear to involve a great disregard for safety in recent generations. I imagine you will win some favours among the voting youth in the area if you campaign for compulsory safety gear to be worn in the skate park thus removing any peer pressure while maintaining safety standards. I, however, would go one step further and suggest a campaign for compulsory bubble wrap suits to be worn in and near the park to ensure maximum protection of participates and observers alike. These suits of course bring their own dangers, and with such a volume (excuse the pun) of young people using the park in their suits, the magnitude of pops produced may exceed the Occupational Exposure Limits for noise, so ear protectors will probably need to be made compulsory also. It would be a terrible shame if something should happen to a young person while making use of the facilities and an even greater shame still if they should believe you to be in some way liable.

Secondly, may I suggest that in making our communities safer, you consider introducing a ban on cars from residential areas to protect our children. In fact, 212 people were killed on the roads in 2010 and it has been suggested that this figure could be reduced considerably by introducing a blanket ban on cars. Upon further research I found that it without wheels, cars can do practically no harm to anyone. This fact extends far beyond cars. Indeed, without wheels there would be no motorcycle, bus, bicycle, train, car, van, skateboard, roller skate, ambulance or firetruck accidents. Of course, with the fire trucks out of commission, a ban on fire will also have to be imposed but we managed without it for thousands of years and we'll manage again. Similarly, with no ambulances available, it will be of utmost importance that people stay indoors at all times and remain very still so as not in endanger themselves or others in anyway.

This will lead to some minor inconveniences for members of the public, all of which I believe can be easily overcome by taking advantage of a much under utilized resource. People over 65 receive their state pension without ever having to lift a finger from the day they retire. Pensioners should contribute something to society, for the first time since they built this country in their youth. I propose that the old age pension would be earned. 

With everyone else indoors for health and safety reasons, the Grey Army would be enlisted to carry out odd jobs for neighbours, for example; grocery shopping, gardening and day-to-day banking. They would be in charge of the fire and policing services, health care and government, which would almost certainly lead us out of recession and back to a new, fairer, more honest and responsible Celtic Tiger which believes that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and similarly, people who stand on roofs shouldn't sue. We should never underestimate the power of the Grey Army. They may not pay your salary anymore but they are the only people in this country that have been around long enough to recognize the potential contained within their vote.

No one has accomplished more in terms of at taking advantage of the weak and vulnerable in society than our politicians. Perhaps what they are even better at however, is passing the blame off on someone else.

I am sure you will make a wonderful addition to Dáil Éireann. Best of luck to you in this regard.

Finally, I would like to apologise for not offering my support in writing, but in this instance, I felt it would be better to send an electronic mail, in case upon opening my letter you should become inflicted with a paper cut for which you held me responsible.

Kind Regards,

Ms. M Tisdell

After Thought:

After I sent this email I thought to myself, 'Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious, for my blog, if I got a picture of Cllr. Shortt and made him look like the devil, then got a photo of the lady he's suing and made her look all angelic. Haha, yeah, people would like that and it would make them want to read my blog.' 

When I found the pictures, I realised someone had got there first.